Eleven-year-old Philip Noble is at his father’s funeral when who should appear but his father’s ghost, who wastes no time in telling Philip that his Uncle Alan, an auto mechanic, tampered with his car, causing the accident that killed him. He warns Philip that Uncle Alan will shortly be tampering with his mother too, because Unctuous Uncle Alan wants the pub that Philip’s father owned. The solution to this problem, according to Philip’s dad, is that he must kill Uncle Alan. If he doesn’t do it before Dad’s next birthday, 11 weeks away, Dad will be consigned to the Terrors for all eternity. Philip agrees, in principle, but killing someone, especially without getting caught, isn’t easy.

But a promise is a promise, so Philip gives it a whirl, in fact, several whirls. Real life interferes in the persons of two school bullies, truly nasty and perverse thugs, who seem ready to kill Philip because they think it’s funny that his father died. Philip also falls in love, and his Ophelia (named Leah) thinks that shoplifting is tons of fun.